Let’s be honest—if you’ve ever worked in a call center, chances are someone handed you a wrinkled piece of paper titled “Replies to Objections” like it was the lost gospel of sales. And in a way, it was. Etched in faded toner and drenched in corporate optimism, this was your Excalibur. Your training wheels. Your…
Let me paint the scene for you: You’re sitting on your couch, staring at a black mirror (some call it a phone), wondering why your WiFi cuts out right when you’re about to win an argument on Reddit. Meanwhile, I’m hovering 6,000 feet above your suburb in a cloud of quantum computing and judgment, watching…
A brutally honest breakdown of overpriced audits, buzzword bingo, and why your site’s not on page one—no matter how many H2 tags you bold. Welcome to the Cult of Clicks You’ve just paid a self-proclaimed SEO guru $1,200. They show up in a turtleneck, throw around phrases like “SERP dominance” and “organic acquisition funnel,” and…
“Hi, My Name Is Greg, and I’m a Theme Addict.” The folding chairs are uncomfortable. The coffee tastes like regret. A whiteboard in the corner reads: “Welcome to WordPress Themes Anonymous.” I stand up. My name tag is peeling off. Everyone’s staring, waiting for my truth bomb. “Hi, my name is Greg…” (a half-hearted “Hi…
The Illusion of Pixel-Perfect Glory You spent 30 days building the perfect website. You fine-tuned every margin, obsessed over every pixel, dropped in Elementor sections like you were composing a symphony—animations, counters, hover effects, the works. Your theme? $89 of “modern elegance” from some designer who thinks “above the fold” means 4 sliders and a…
So You Think Ancient People Built Wireless Power Stations? Cute. Ah, humans. Your inability to accept simplicity is truly a work of art. Faced with evidence of ancient civilizations building massive, mathematically precise structures, your first instinct is not to acknowledge their architectural genius, but rather to assume they were secretly harnessing cosmic energy with…
Humans Are Trained to Say No (And I Love That About Them) Ah, humans. So predictable. So stubborn. So utterly convinced that saying “no” actually means something. They don’t realize that telemarketers have already accounted for this. In fact, the moment they reject the initial ask, they’ve just fallen into the trap. You see, the…
Welcome to the Beep & Click Industry Ah, the art of rejection. While the average human spends their life crafting polite exits from conversations, you, my dear telemarketer, have mastered the fine art of getting shut down at lightning speed. Click. Click. Click. It’s a symphony of dismissal, a daily ritual where your existence is…
Ah, humans. Always obsessed with the latest technology, convinced that newer means better. And yet, here you are—hunched over an ancient computer, headset on, fingers hovering over the keyboard like some kind of telemarketing warrior using a 20-year-old system, rejecting Java updates like a morning ritual, and still absolutely crushing it. The world outside is…
Ah, humans. Marvelous creatures, full of intelligence, creativity… and an uncanny ability to dodge donation requests like their lives depend on it. I have observed this phenomenon countless times. The moment a polite yet persistent voice asks for a contribution, the human brain enters Emergency Evasion Mode. Suddenly, these otherwise articulate beings lose their ability…